Ambitions

I've been struggling with what type of content I want to publish on my blog. I do believe I want to continue posting my advice and experience with health and religion I would also like to do something I've never considered doing before. But before I tell you what that is I'll simply start with how I came up with the idea. I've been reading a book by Atul Gawande called Better: A Surgeon's Notes on Performance that was suggested from a blog I recently came across. Recently, I've become increasingly interested in knowing more about med school. It started with following a couple of med school student YouTube accounts to just get better ideas for studying but then after I earned my certification as a nursing aide I went to a training for an introduction to peer mentoring and it was there where I became open and hopeful when I had heard that one of the members who put the NYS certified peer specialist program together had started as a patient just like me and advanced into being a psychiatrist. I am taking classes to become a peer specialist simply because many of the people who have observed me over the past couple of years have regarded me as a role model for other people who have a mental illness. It's been a long time since I've been regarded as a role model. Even just writing it makes me feel that I don't deserve that title but I am also a notorious perfectionist and that is an asset to a point but I hardly give my self-credit when I deserve it. So I started the classes and in it, there are resources that are suggested some which I have become familiar with over the years such as Mary Ellen Copeland's WRAP and another book that caught my eye Instant Psychopharmacology. As a person with a mental illness I am prescribed medications for my illness but when I was first given the meds I wasn't in the state to comprehend what their names are or what they do. All I know is that my mom told me if I didn't take the meds then they would take me to court. I assumed they meant the hospital so I did what anyone left with any common sense would do I took the pills without question. It wasn't until I voluntarily came into a treatment apartment program that I was asked do you know what your meds are? Do you know how many milligrams each med is prescribed for? Do you know what each medication is for? Do you know what the symptoms are? So on and so forth which is why the psychopharmacology book interested me so much because it lists every medication used in psychiatry to treat people with mental illnesses. Originally I had been interested in just being a nurse maybe specializing as a psych nurse. The more and more I learned about med school it became increasingly apparent to me I want to be a psychiatrist. I am not delusional in the knowledge that learning to be a doctor is extremely hard. I am quite aware of that but do you know what else is hard? Having one of the most debilitating mental illnesses. I was lucky that they caught mine early and I am able to function relatively normally but I've had to work twice as hard than people my own age. I've learned coping skills, how to manage my symptoms and countless other things over the years. Recently I've reached a stagnant point in my recovery which is lacking the motivation to do simple things such as waking up early in the mornings consistently to know what my purpose in life is. Which is where some much overdue soul searching has come into play I am a strong believer that God gives us what we can handle and while some may look at their illness as a hindrance to their quality of life I look at it as a blessing.  It' a blessing because I am looking at life differently from a more humble view but I've also grown so much and have explored what I want from life and I genuinely do love helping people. In a way, I view it as God getting me ready to do His work. I know I have a long way to go but in Gawande's book, his fourth suggestion for becoming a positive deviant is to write. So, I'm starting here on this blog to write about my experience and journey towards my ultimate goal which is to become a psychiatrist.

Thank you for reading this post. What obstacles have you overcome in life? Have you found your purpose in life? Let me know in the comments below!!